Letting go is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. We’ve all started relationships hoping that they’ll last. We all live our lives like we have decades of life left in us. But life can be unpredictable. Things change, grow, fall apart, move, and transform all the time. Some things shatter your world and you’re left trying to find a new way to build those broken pieces back up. Letting go is one of the healthiest things you could ever do. It’s great for your mental health. And it’s important to accept that a lot of things in this world are out of our control. But we can control how we react to the suffering we’ve been dealt. In this article, we’re going to share 11 ways to let go of mistakes, pain, and suffering.
How to Start Letting Go of Mistakes, Pain and Suffering: 11 Ways
#1. Give Yourself Time to Grieve
Before it’s time to start letting go, you need to give yourself time to grieve. We’ve all lost loved ones to dreadful diseases or accidents and no one judged you when you cried. They’ve felt that pain before too. And then of course, during the break-up of a long-term relationship, it’s normal to feel sad about the end there too. While new beginnings are beautiful, endings can sometimes be harder to accept. We don’t always want to say goodbye. And sometimes we’re really not ready to. So take the time you need to grieve. Whether that’s crying, beating up a punching bag, talking it out with a friend or trained professional, it’s important to let it all out. And once you’re finally ready to move on, you can begin letting go.
#2. Make a Clean Cut
One of the easiest ways to let go of suffering is to make a clean cut of the person causing the suffering. If you’re going through a break-up, that might be deleting the contact off your social media, blocking their number on your phone, changing your phone number, moving to a new city, or starting a new job. Change is good for the soul. Some may say you’re running away from your problems. And maybe that’s 10% true. But it’s also a way to end specific problems. You need to make changes to let go effectively. Sometimes letting go means saying goodbye and really meaning it.
#3. Make a Positive Change
When making a mindful attempt to let go, focus on making positive changes in your life. Embark on that new, exciting chapter. This is your time to evolve. Become a better person than you were yesterday. Maybe you invest on reading communication books to help you communicate your needs better. Or maybe you recognize that you’ve been so obsessed with loving others that you forgot to love yourself so you start practicing more self care. When letting go of the pain, focus on letting in some good in your life. You deserve all the happiness in the world and you can take action to make sure you get your fair share of it.
#4. Don’t Take Things Personally
The most important thing to remember when letting go is that it’s usually not personal. If a relationship falls apart, it feels personal because it happens to you. But there’s just so many freaking factors at play. Compatibility, family, wants, needs, goals, values, and of course the other person. Sometimes relationships end and it hurts leaving you feeling sad. But the end of a relationship isn’t always about you. Sometimes it’s about the other person. And if someone hurts you, it’s usually because they’re hurt themselves.
When we take things personally that’s when the grudges form, the toxic behaviors come out, and the worst feelings transpire. But when we accept that there are many variables that lead people to an event, we often find there’s many factors that led them to it. Maybe they learned bad behaviors in childhood they were never corrected on which led them to hurt you. Or maybe they just had a bad day and you showed up at the wrong time and they took it out on you. The best thing you can do is be more empathetic to people’s needs and recognize that it’s not always about you. Love and let go.
#5. Practice Meditation
If you really don’t know how to master the art of letting go, you might want to try meditation. Of course, we’d love it if you used Declutter The Mind’s guided meditation if you’ve been thinking about it. But overall, meditation can help give you a lot of clarity. You can help rewire your brain but taking the time to notice thoughts without dwelling on them. It constantly reminds you to focus your attention back on your breath so your thoughts never go on those tangents you hate so much.
Following a guided meditation is great for beginners who are looking to meditate but are weary of being alone with their thoughts without supervision. I know, the mind is a terrifying place. Seriously. So with the help of our meditation guide, you can work on creating new pathways in your brain so that you finally let go of those negative thought cycles your brain does for you all the damn time. You’ll finally have a chance at letting go the pain, suffering, and hurt.
If you don’t want to use a guide, you can use a meditation timer instead.
#6. Learn to Accept Yourself
There’s no person on this planet who has ever been meaner to you than you’ve been with yourself. Nope, not even that person who ripped your heart out of your chest during the world’s worst breakup of all time. Not even a person who treated you like you weren’t a person. No. The meanest person in your life is you to yourself. Your brain goes off on tangent reminding you of all your flaws. It holds grudges that stresses you out. It makes you relive painful memories. It keeps you up at night. It makes you wonder if you’re good enough. I mean, holy hell. How could you do that to yourself?
It’s time to tell that brain of yours how amazing you are. You constantly want to improve yourself. You love educating yourself. You try your best at maintaining a positive mental health. You’ve got hobbies that you totally kick everyone’s butt in. I mean you’re a freaking legend. Why aren’t you repeating those positive things about yourself? Focus on who you are when you’re at your best because that’s who you really are. Let go of the person you love beating down in your head. You’re humanly flawed but you’re not a monster. Let go of the self-hate and embrace the self-love. Become your own number one fan.
#7. Hey, You’re Human
Right now, there are probably billions of people living in the past or fearing the future. They’re all stuck in their own minds. You’re struggling to let things go and you’d be surprised to find out that there are tons of people in this sinking ship with you. On tough days, remember that you’re human. And being human is being flawed, emotional, and temporary. Life is really damn short when you never know when things will end. So why put ourselves in misery with negative thoughts, regrets, and trying to undo a past that cannot be changed.
Let go of your desire to be perfect. Let go of your desperation to cling on tight. Let go of painful goodbyes. It’s only when we take the time out to accept our humanness where we finally experience joy. It’s time to forgive yourself for your mistakes. You’re going to make more of them over the years. But for now, all you can do is try your best, learn from past experiences, and enjoy the present with those you love. Seriously, I won’t be offended if you ditch this article right now to go Facetime with your bestie or spontaneously go hug someone you love.
#8. Change What You Can Control
Some things you can’t control. And those are the things you’ll need to begin letting go of. Everything you have and own is rented to you. Your family, your possessions, and your life can all get taken away from you at any given moment. You can’t change that. Instead, focus on what you can control. Right now, you and I are hanging out. I’m sharing some words of wisdom and you’re intently listening. In this present moment you’ve been given, you can do a lot of good.
You can join a random Facebook group and leave positive messages to people who post content. Or you can sign-up to volunteer for an opportunity in your local neighbourhood. You can choose to be kind and compassionate in everything you do. You can choose what words you speak to help someone in need. You can do acts of kindness to put your behavior in a more positive path. That is what is in your control. When someone frustrates you, understand that he or she is frustrated, and show empathy. When your child is annoying you, understand that they want your attention, so give it freely. Your in control of what you say and what you do. So be kind and live well.
#9. Learn from Your Mistakes
Letting go of your mistakes is always a challenge. It’s funny how we’ll beat ourselves up about mistakes we made in childhood even when we’re in our thirties, forties, or fifties. How long are you going to torture yourself? Isn’t it time you’ve forgiven yourself? Stop holding onto the past so tightly, it’s gone. All you can do is move forward. Of course, you don’t want to make the same mistakes again. But reminding yourself of them isn’t going to be what prevents you from making the mistake.
When you make a mistake, all you can do is take the next moment to fix it. Apologize if you need to. Change your habits if you must. Try to be a better person. You’re going to be making more mistakes in your future. But if you constantly cling onto past errors, you’ll never really live. Your purpose in life is to help others. But if you’re recycling your mistakes, you’re too distracted to pursue your life mission. Instead, let go, forgive yourself and others too, and aim to be a kinder, more compassionate person.
#10. Block Out Your Thoughts
Letting go is hard because our thoughts love to cling onto negativity like a leech to the skin. I bet the reason why you’re not letting go is because your thoughts keep reminding you of your mistake or your pain and so you end up suffering for it much longer than you need to. Sometimes you just gotta tell that voice in your head to quiet down. And if it’s screaming at you, you can scream at it right back.
Just avoid doing that in front of people, they might think you’re losing it. Imagine yourself physically replacing a negative thought out of your brain and placing in a new thought. Pretend you’re like a factory worker. Each day, replacing a negative thought with a new, positive thought. Working hard to rewire the brain. If you take a step each day at changing the negative thoughts into positive ones, you’ll finally start letting go of negativity. And that can be a game-changer.
#11. Remember That Things Are Understood in Hindsight
Think back to some of the hardest lessons you’ve ever learned in life. At the time, you may have made a mistake and later regretted it when you saw the consequences of it. Unfortunately, humans are absolutely terrible at predicting the future. Seriously, the worst. We’ll never know exactly how things will work out no matter how hard we try to create our own fates. There are too many variables involved.
Too many things out of our control. And too many coincidences taking place to lead us to this moment right here. Sometimes a happy marriage falls apart leaving us stunned, betrayed, and hopeless. Only to years later be in a new marriage with someone much more compatible. To let go of pain, remember that a bad moment today may lead to your best future moments. But you won’t know or see that today. It takes time for the future to unveil itself.
Letting go can allow you to finally release your pain and suffering and rediscover a happier version of yourself. By letting go, you accept what you can’t control and take action on what you can control. You have control over how you react to situations. You have control over your emotions. You also have control over how you treat others. By focusing on being kind, compassionate, and loving, you’re doing the best you can as a human. Help those in need. Love everyone, even strangers. And forgive those who have hurt you for you have and will also hurt people in your life. It’s time to stop reading this article and take your first step in letting go. May you finally have peace.