Being negative is something you learn. If yes, possibly there was some event in your life that marked you, and from then on, you began to feel negative for a particular context or thought. And I say possibly since to know that would require “researching” a few more things. Anyway, if you don’t find a clear answer to the question “why am I so negative,” maybe this article can help you understand some aspects.
Are you always negative?
Are you negative right now?
Or do you feel negative in a specific context?
Let’s not be dramatic.
Everyone feels negative sometimes, especially when we think about the future of things at a time when “everything around me is going wrong.
It is normal to feel despair and the horrible feeling that “there is nothing I can do to change this, no matter how much I want to.”
Precisely when we are imperfect, sad, and see everything as negative, we get the happy feeling that others are doing well. They get everything they want, their lives are almost perfect: work, love, time to travel, take cool pictures on social networks.
What about me, then? Why am I so negative?
Well, look, I’m sure you weren’t always negative. Throughout your life, you’ve had some pleasant, happy moments.
What’s more, precisely if you are reading this now, it’s because you are aware that you are surrounded by negative thoughts, and if that’s the case, it’s because you didn’t have them one day, right?
In this way, even if you don’t like me telling you that you are more negative now than usual, it doesn’t mean that things will go wrong for you in the future.
So… how can I understand my way of thinking?
As I told you before, sometimes it’s normal to see everything black. Consider if it’s always like that if you’ve been thinking and behaving passively about life for a long time (i.e., months), or if you’re going through a rough patch and nothing turns out the way you want it to.
I’m telling you this because, in every situation, you will have to behave differently. For example:
I’ve always been negative; ever since I was little
In this case, maybe you have already turned to a professional or a psychologist. But if you haven’t, and you’ve been a negative person all your life, you should still go and see a mental health professional.
You may have a behavior closely linked to your personality that could improve your quality of life and those around you.
I have been a negative person for a long time, maybe more than 6 months
If it is your case, it was possibly due to some traumatic event that has triggered that repertoire of negative thoughts and sensations you are projecting to the future, the world in general, and your capacities as a person.
Of course, we are not always aware of this. Sometimes we begin to be sad, we are like this for a few months, and we have not reflected on the possible cause. I invite you to do so: the path can still be painful, but with help (preferably), or without it, it can make you better.
Lately, I think I’m turning into a negative person
Stop, stop, stop! In this society where everything goes fast, advertising floods us with messages of sexism, consumerism, and excessive happiness; we continually punish ourselves by telling ourselves that we should be happy, active, and shiny.
We can hardly ever be sad or allow ourselves to stay at home without going out with friends. What’s wrong? Am I a freak? Well, no, I’m just sad. A day like this happens to everyone.
When we are sad, we see that the rest are happy, and we get sadder. What’s more, we ask ourselves, why am I sad? And because we can’t change in a matter of minutes, we feel worse.
Why sadness hooks
As a rule, negative thoughts are automatic thoughts that appear at certain times, contexts, or stimuli that trigger those behavior patterns.
Behavioral psychology (to give you an idea) tries to find and analyze the variables that make that happen, at what time, and under what circumstances.
When we think negatively, just before making a decision or expected event where we believe it will finally go wrong, if it does go wrong, we will be reinforcing that previous way of thinking. We will be saying to ourselves, “See? I knew it. I knew it would go wrong.
All of our thoughts and energy were focused on the negative that could happen, and since it did go wrong in the end, well, we say to ourselves, “I was right, so, negative thinking is okay, because, in the end, that’s what I thought was going to happen. This phenomenon is also known as the Pygmalion effect or self-fulfilling prophecy.
How do I stop being negative?
“I’m not negative. I’m realistic”. This is the most characteristic phrase of a person who cultivates a negative thought and who, moreover, believes himself to possess universal reason. It is clear that in life, not everything is joy and smiles, but it is also clear that not everything is frustration and sadness.
As the ying-yang symbolizes, life is a constant balance between negative and positive. Letting yourself be carried away by only one of these weights will only make you live a single aspect of your life, not enjoying it in all its grandeur.
Many times, negative people believe that they are superior to positive people because they consider the latter more naive, innocent, and weak. Negative people believe to possess the absolute truth of reality and to live without bandages or deceptions. But this is false. They are covered with the blindfold of negativity, a blindfold that allows them to see the positive part of life and leads them to a gray, sad, and unfriendly path.
To stop cultivating negative thoughts, it is essential to start believing in the possibilities you have and let yourself explore other aspects of yourself and life. Negativity keeps us from moving forward, from blocking ourselves and getting stuck in our safe and controlled environment.
3 tips to stop being negative
To help you better know how you can stop being negative, here is a collection of tips that can help you overcome this feeling.
Detect the negativity
The first piece of advice is to be aware of what is going on in our minds. Thoughts continuously come up in our minds, and they link to each other without any kind of control. Therefore, we might suddenly realize that our minds are going places we were not aware of.
This happens with negative thoughts. They appear in our heads when we don’t feel totally in control. Therefore, the natural doubts that we all have in our minds begin to arise. But it is crucial to be attentive to what is happening in our thoughts, be aware of what is going on inside us to detect that negativity and change its course.
With their meditation, Buddhists try to control the mind to understand in depth what happens in it. This way, they can change their thoughts to positive and more fruitful ones. You can do the same by realizing what is going on in your head, and, as soon as you see that you are being negative, change your inner discourse. When you start mindful living, you can more quickly and easily become aware of negative thoughts.
Stay away from negative environments and people
We are social beings, and, as such, what surrounds us dramatically influences our essence and individuality. This will always depend on each person and their personality, but, in general, everyone is influenced by the environment in which they move and the people they surround themselves with. Therefore, if you want to stop being negative you have to value the circles in which you live and if you detect that something or someone negatively influences you, try to move away from that focus, no matter how hard it is.
They can often be lifelong friends or even couples with whom a toxic relationship has been established. Breaking it off is the first step to start living in a more positive and relaxed way.
Practice kindness and appreciation
For starters, stop asking yourself, “why am I so negative?”. Typically, negative people have a negative conception of themselves and other people and, therefore, go around the world with a somewhat “aggressive”, “angry”, negative attitude. If you want to stop living like this, the best thing is to cultivate a kinder attitude towards others, smiling more, controlling your temper, not jumping to conclusions, and always having a “thank you” and a “please” on your lips.
Although it may seem silly, it isn’t, at all: leaving behind bad manners and bad relationships will help you start from another way of connection and, besides, you will see that many people in the world will give you back your smile and right words.
Try a loving-kindness practice if you’re not sure where to start. We also have a gratitude list to help you come up with little and larger things to be grateful for.
Being happy depends on you and on the way you approach your look. You decide if you want it to be gray or full of color. Which do you choose?
