Why am I so angry? You may ask yourself this question when you notice yourself snapping at other people or just generally feeling annoyed. Even a toddler can suddenly become angry if they experience a trigger, such as a problem with a sibling. There are often valid reasons for your anger, and this article will discuss the common causes of anger in people of all ages.
Why Am I So Angry? A Few Key Reasons.
1. Anger is a Normal Emotion
Anger is a normal human emotion. Everyone can feel angry if they sense that they’re wronged or are dissatisfied with the outcome of a situation. While anger may be a common emotion, all expressions of anger are not productive or healthy.
For example, if someone cuts you off in traffic, you might experience road rage. It’s not healthy nor legal to drive after someone who has cut you off to hit their vehicle. You can be angry but not vengeful. That is, you can be angry but not act in a manner that is unhealthy, dangerous, or destructive.
You can train yourself to control your emotions through a guided meditation for anger. You can find YouTube videos for anger to help you calm the mind so your anger doesn’t hurt you. After all, it doesn’t matter how angry you are at another person; they’ll never feel the pain of anger, only you will.
2. Feeling Unappreciated
Sometimes the causes of anger may be subtle like feeling unappreciated. In these situations, the question, “Why am I so angry?” may not immediately have an obvious answer. You may need to do a little soul searching or a thorough analysis of your situation.
If you work as a janitor in an establishment where you feel your efforts aren’t appreciated, you may become angry even though you do excellent work. You may also feel dissatisfied with your hourly or salary pay. Similarly, if you’re a single parent whose children don’t seem to understand or appreciate the sacrifices that you’ve made, you may also feel a little bit angry all the time.
Your anger may be made worse by people who invalidate your emotions. For example, if you talk to another parent about how you feel, they may tell you to stop talking about it. After all, they may say, that’s how children are. You may need someone to talk through your feelings thoroughly with you in that situation so your anger doesn’t fester.
Often, a lack of appreciation can spiral due to the rumination of your thoughts. What you need to do when you don’t feel appreciated is express your needs for appreciation. Some people aren’t well equipped to have conversations about their needs. However, you can show them or describe what appreciation would feel like for you. For instance, you can say, “I feel appreciated when people tell me that I’ve done a great job on that project I completed, especially when I tell someone I worked hard on it.”
Injustice in all of its forms can trigger feelings of anger, but you probably won’t ask, “Why am I so angry?” because you’ll know why. If you notice that someone didn’t hire a perfectly qualified telephone operator for the job because she is blind, you may feel angry about the prejudice with which she was treated. Other cases of discrimination may also make you angry. You may know an older friend who is excellent at their job but was not promoted just because of their age.
You can experience anger over injustice even if you’re not directly involved in a situation. For example, if you hear on the news that a person was wrongly accused and convicted of a crime, you may feel a sense of injustice. That situation of unfairness may push you to take positive action, such as lobbying for changes to the way evidence is gathered or used in cases.
It can be hard to cope with feelings of anger when you see or experience injustice. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to fight for what’s right, you don’t end up getting the result you think you deserve. In cases of injustice, it’s best to fight allies who will stand up with you, so you have a support system to help you fight for the change you deserve.
4. An Upsetting Event
Small events that trigger anger can make you ask, “why am I so angry?” Since these may seem insignificant on the surface, you may brush them off as nothing and not even notice the effect that they are having on the way you feel. You may need to look back over your day to realize that such things did affect how you think and the way you see others, a business place, or even yourself.
For example, you may walk into a pharmacy, purchase a personal item, such as condoms, and a security officer at a busy exit may want you to take the condoms out of the bag so that they can look at it right there in front of others. That may trigger anger because it’s an invasion of privacy and an embarrassing situation.
Similarly, health protocols in your neighborhood may require that no more than ten people can enter a store at a particular time. Despite that, you notice a large group of people forcing their way in behind you, creating a crowd that could potentially spread harmful viruses. You may not be meeting your need for health safety, which may lead you to feel anger.
When you experience an upsetting event, it’s important to remember that sometimes people make mistakes or are unaware of how their actions affect you. While that doesn’t take away from the harm they’ve done, it’s important not to allow your thinking to catastrophize your thinking to spiral your mental harm. Take a few deep breaths with the exhale taking longer than the inhale to stop negative thoughts.
5. Traumatic Memories
A single event can throw you off for hours or a day. Usually, people manage to get over their anger within a relatively short time. Sometimes, depending on the level of insult that they feel, they may never do business in a particular place again. It may be hard for them to forgive even after months pass.
When an event has been particularly traumatic, you may carry your anger with you like a shield against other incidents of a similar nature. You may not even be aware that you are doing so. In this type of situation, you may ask, “Why am I so angry?” after someone else initiates a conversation about your feelings. It’s particularly common during fight or flight when people react angrily to an event after experiencing trauma.
They may observe that you’re constantly in a negative mindset or your personality has changed for the worse. On close examination, you may find that a traumatic event has made you angry. A traumatic event could be a robbery, a car accident, assault, or military experience.
You may even see or experience something regularly that keeps the anger fresh in your mind and heart. It may help to talk to a trusted friend, therapist, or doctor. If you’re looking to find a therapist, choose one specializing in trauma as it’s a bit harder to deal with than typical stressful situations. You may need to experience PTSD treatment to help you cope. You could also meditate or take some other action that allows you to acknowledge how you feel and start to work on feeling better.
The mind and body interconnect, so any anger you feel in your mind expresses itself in physical ways. You might feel knots in your stomach or a racing heart. Having a counselor or a strong support system will be helpful as you cope with anger from traumatic experiences.
Disappointment can lead to anger. If you’ve worked hard all of your life to ensure that your children can go to university and your children tell you that they have other plans for their lives, you may feel disappointed. You may also feel angry because you sacrificed to invest in their college fund when you could’ve saved that money another way. Although it’s disappointing, it’s important to remember that people have the right to make their own choices, even if it’s not what you want.
Even something simple, like a friend canceling lunch plans, can make you feel disappointed and angry. If it’s happened before, you may even start to wonder if they value spending time with you as much as you appreciate spending time with them.
Your anger in situations like these may lead you into a whirlwind of emotions and irrational thoughts. After all, while you did your part by preparing for your children’s college education, they have their own choices to make in life. Your friend may want to spend time with you, but they may be under pressure and cannot take a break away from work.
Ultimately, instead of asking, “why am I so angry?” during disappointing events, ask yourself, “how can I be more supportive?” In these cases, the simple change of thought will lead you to experience happy thoughts and change the outcome to prevent an argument.
An experience of grief can make you ask, “Why am I so angry?”. It’s so common that many people who have lost something they value understand that they will feel angry. This type of anger is experienced during divorce, as people mourn the loss of their dreams and everything they invested in a relationship.
You may also experience grief if you’ve been working hard for a promotion and someone else keeps on getting the job every time. Other factors may also be at play which can cause the level of your anger to increase. Your anger may be justified, but you will have to take positive action to prevent it from damaging you or others.
Pretending that you don’t feel angry will not help. When the business you’ve worked hard to build collapses because of unexpected changes in market conditions, you’ll be angry. Denial will only shove the anger into a place where it quietly causes damage to your health.
8. Problems Caused by Other People
Other people may do things that cause problems in your own life. It hurts when they do so deliberately, and it’s also upsetting when they act frivolously and are not aware of the damage they have caused.
For example, someone may decide that having a few beers won’t impair their ability to drive. However, their slow reaction time may cause them to hit someone. They may experience regret, but there are cases where individuals obsess over their struggles with alcohol that they’re not fully aware of just how much damage they’re causing to innocent people.
Those who love them may become angry as they watch what’s happening to their life. They may also be mad since the alcoholic is slowly destroying their family. The family of a person they have injured on the road may be angry for decades. The pain isn’t easy to get over.
9. Relationship Difficulties
Relationships aren’t as easy as we probably would all want them to be. It doesn’t matter if the relationship is with a significant other, a mortgage broker, a child, or a coworker. Suppose there’s a difference in thought; it can lead to conflict and a wide array of feelings, including anger.
Some of the anger may be due to feelings of being misunderstood. At other times, individuals may feel angry because they can’t get their way. For example, you may feel angry because your banker doesn’t want to give you money to expand your small business. The banker may feel mad because they’ve already given you a lot of credit, and you haven’t made any payments on your loans in months. And you may be mad for not getting the additional support you need.
In every situation where you ask yourself, “why am I so angry?” it’s essential to acknowledge that you can control your thoughts and actions. Dwelling too much on an insult can distract you or inadvertently harm someone else. Take care of yourself: emotionally and physically.