Remember that particularly exciting date? You know – the one where both of your eyes sparkled with possibility, where time stood still, and the space between you felt almost electric? Wasn’t it magical? Doesn’t just the memory of that time stir up those butterflies in your belly again?
And now, after just a few years together, that magic has inevitably lost its sparkle. It’s mellowed down into a dull, familiar feeling of comfort.
But does it have to? A meditation practice for intimacy can help with this.
You may think that this magic only flowers at the start of a new romance. And that once you get to know someone really well, the passion automatically fades.
But that’s not the case! From the perspective of meditation, it is not your relationship that has changed, but your mind. What’s happened is that over time, your mind has created habitual patterns of perception and behavior in regard to your partner.
Which simply means that your relationship has gone on autopilot.
Meditation for intimacy
Meditation practice is all about disengaging your faulty autopilot and taking back control of your life.
There’s nothing fantastical about this. Mindfulness practice slowly develops your capacity to appreciate each moment as if it’s completely new. So instead of reacting to your mind’s assumptions about your partner, you actually begin to perceive things directly – without a filter.
You may not realize it, but your regular meditation practice with the app is already building your capacity for deep intimacy. With just a little effort put into directing that capacity with the tips below, you’ll soon be able to not only rekindle that magic – but intensify it to an even deeper level.
1. Use the power of Mindful Touch
On a promising first date, every small touch feels utterly thrilling. The accidental brushing of hands while you walk – that playful push when you tease each other – even just feeling the warmth of your date’s body next to you.
Part of this excitement is to do with the vulnerability you feel: “I just touched her hand! What if she doesn’t like it?” – “He just touched my hand! Was that intentional?”
The other part is the extreme sensitivity of your sense of touch. With a long-term partner, the fact that your knees touched goes unnoticed – but on a new date, it feels like a significant event.
Practice Mindful Touch in the following way:
- Close your eyes and let your mind absorb into your hands. Really get into the details of your sensations in the hands.
- Do they feel warm or cold?
- Are they resting on something? Can you feel the pressure on your skin where they rest?
- Can you sense the space around and in between each finger?
- Can you distinguish the feeling of softness of your flesh with the hardness of your fingernails or even your bones?
- Can you feel your pulse in your hands?
You will notice that after a short while your hands will feel like they’re subtly buzzing – they may even feel like they’re much bigger than when you started. This is a good sign. You can now move on to the next step of this meditation practice for intimacy.
- Keeping your mindful awareness in both of your hands, bring the palms close together but without touching them.
- Feel into the space between your palms. You might detect a feeling of warmth or a buzzing sensation – this is just your nerve endings getting sensitized by your focused attention.
- Feel into the space between the fingertips of your hands. Feel the sensations as you gently focus your attention there.
- Slowly bring your fingers closer together and touch them. It may feel quite intense if you’ve spent a while on this step.
- You will notice that the sensitivity in your hands and fingers is greatly enhanced.
- Keeping this sensitivity dialed up, bring your fingertips up to your face and begin to explore the physical sensation of touching your face.
- You can now freely explore. What do your lips feel like? Your nose? Make sure to feel both from the perspective of your fingers and your face at the same time.
- Explore different qualities of touch – try touching very lightly, like a feather – try pressing a little more firmly.
Take at least 10 to 15 minutes the first few times you try Mindful Touching. Afterwards, you’ll notice that this increased sensitivity becomes available to you when you wish. That’s when you can try it with your partner. Just reach out and touch their hand mindfully and you might find that even just with this tip, your intimacy skyrockets.
2. Become mindful of the Space Between.
This tip builds on the previous one – but is actually the exact opposite in this meditation practice for intimacy.
On your first date, whether you were aware of it or not, the space between you was also of great significance. That moment when your date leans in when you start to tell them something interesting. Or when they take a step away from you, and you feel this almost magnetic pull to get closer again…
You’ve already practiced part of this when you held your palms a small distance apart from one another. But we need to refine it a little.
Our habitual tendency is to focus on ‘things’ and ignore the space between the ‘things’. We need to explore this tendency and add a bit of flexibility to our mind.
- Sit comfortably and pick an object in front of you. It can be anything – a wall, a piece of furniture, even your digital device.
- Send your awareness towards this object, but just stop short of reaching all the way there. Just pause and keep your attention on the space between.
- Take around 10 minutes to practice this a few times.
- Now try it with your partner. Whatever they may be doing nearby, just send your awareness out towards them, but again stop short of actually landing your awareness on them.
- Next time you have an opportunity for an intimate moment, just try this exercise again. By paying attention to the space between you, your mind is kept from jumping into autopilot mode, and you’ll notice a considerable increase in your level of intimacy.
- Lean in for a kiss while your attention is on the space between. And watch as the tension builds and creates an electric atmosphere for you both.
These exercises seem quite simple, but as you progress in your meditation training using the Declutter Your Mind App, you’ll find it’s often the simplest things that create the most significant transformations in our life.
When you practice meditation for intimacy and combine Mindful Touch and Mindfulness on the Space Between, you’ll find that magical sense of timeless connection yet again. And your partner will notice the difference without even knowing what you’re doing.