Remember that particularly exciting date? You know – the one where both of your eyes sparkled with possibility, where time stood still, and the space between you felt almost electric? Wasn’t it magical? Doesn’t just the memory of that time stir up those butterflies in your belly again?
And now, after just a few years together, that magic has inevitably lost its sparkle. It’s mellowed down into a dull, familiar feeling of comfort.
But does it have to? A meditation practice for intimacy can help with this.
You may think that this magic only flowers at the start of a new romance. And that once you get to know someone really well, the passion automatically fades.
But that’s not the case! From the perspective of meditation, it is not your relationship that has changed, but your mind. What’s happened is that over time, your mind has created habitual patterns of perception and behavior in regard to your partner.
Which simply means that your relationship has gone on autopilot.
Meditation practice is all about disengaging your faulty autopilot and taking back control of your life.
There’s nothing fantastical about this. Mindfulness practice slowly develops your capacity to appreciate each moment as if it’s completely new. So instead of reacting to your mind’s assumptions about your partner, you actually begin to perceive things directly – without a filter.
You may not realize it, but your regular meditation practice with the app is already building your capacity for deep intimacy. With just a little effort put into directing that capacity with the tips below, you’ll soon be able to not only rekindle that magic – but intensify it to an even deeper level.
On a promising first date, every small touch feels utterly thrilling. The accidental brushing of hands while you walk – that playful push when you tease each other – even just feeling the warmth of your date’s body next to you.
Part of this excitement is to do with the vulnerability you feel: “I just touched her hand! What if she doesn’t like it?” – “He just touched my hand! Was that intentional?”
The other part is the extreme sensitivity of your sense of touch. With a long-term partner, the fact that your knees touched goes unnoticed – but on a new date, it feels like a significant event.
Practice Mindful Touch in the following way:
Step 1.
You will notice that after a short while your hands will feel like they’re subtly buzzing – they may even feel like they’re much bigger than when you started. This is a good sign. You can now move on to the next step of this meditation practice for intimacy.
Step 2.
Step 3.
Take at least 10 to 15 minutes the first few times you try Mindful Touching. Afterwards, you’ll notice that this increased sensitivity becomes available to you when you wish. That’s when you can try it with your partner. Just reach out and touch their hand mindfully and you might find that even just with this tip, your intimacy skyrockets.
This tip builds on the previous one – but is actually the exact opposite in this meditation practice for intimacy.
On your first date, whether you were aware of it or not, the space between you was also of great significance. That moment when your date leans in when you start to tell them something interesting. Or when they take a step away from you, and you feel this almost magnetic pull to get closer again…
You’ve already practiced part of this when you held your palms a small distance apart from one another. But we need to refine it a little.
Our habitual tendency is to focus on ‘things’ and ignore the space between the ‘things’. We need to explore this tendency and add a bit of flexibility to our mind.
Step 1.
Step 2.
These exercises seem quite simple, but as you progress in your meditation training using the Declutter The Mind App, you’ll find it’s often the simplest things that create the most significant transformations in our life.
When you practice meditation for intimacy and combine Mindful Touch and Mindfulness on the Space Between, you’ll find that magical sense of timeless connection yet again. And your partner will notice the difference without even knowing what you’re doing.
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